Well, it's the second day of January, 2014. Wow. What happened to 2013?  That had to be the fastest year to ever go by.  My general synopsis of 2013:

January: decided to start looking for a new job. Sent out countless emails, had a few interviews and bummer.. stuck at NOAA for a while longer. I hate the drive, and I dislike most of the people.  There are a few that I miss a lot but i can contact them on Facebook if I want to say hello.

Feb: Chris and I had a fantastic anniversary. We locked ourselves in a  hotel and didn't leave for a couple days. It was AWESOME!!

March: I don't remember much happening in march, so we'll skip March and April.

May, my chemo, Sprycel, stopped working and the doctor was getting frantic noticing that my CML cells were mutating fast. He rushed me on a new drug, that had some harsh side effects. You had to be very strict about eating, and timing when to take the three pills.  I timed everything exact. Why? because to mix food with this stuff could cause a deadly pericardial effusion (fluid buildup around the heart that essentially squeezes your heart to death).  So, we got the first pill and I bawled like a baby. I didn't want to take it but I did.

June 3 i started a new job with the Dept of Commerce, in DC.  I love the people, I love what I do, I even love the commute in. I don't. I park my car a mile and a half up the road and take a bus into the city. OH YEAH. nap time twice a day.

On June 15, I had a chest x-ray to see if there was any fluid around my heart, and Chris was listening to the staff saying stuff like 'walking time bomb' and 'you should see the size of that thing'...I didn't know they were talking about me. The heart surgeon comes in a room with us and says he can't let me leave the hospital. That he is pretty sure I will not survive the weekend. He's so sure, that he's called his team in to do immediate surgery.  Uh... yeah.  I call work and tell my co-worker what's going on and it doesn't look like I'll be in the rest of teh day.. or for the next 3 weeks for that matter.

They did the surgery and removed 2 liters of fluid from my heart. They inserted a drain that had a ball attached at the end and i could feel the nurses sucking more fluid out.. that was kind of painful, but only a little painful as I was on unlimited 7 minute timed morphine. That had it's good and bad points. I felt very little pain, but trying to take the shit before they release  you was a frigging job and a half.  Prunes down the gut, prune juice, apple juice, stool softeners, and then finally the thing they shove up the butt to get you to unclog. yeah, that didn't happen until the next day. :/

so i was in there about a week, and the day they are to release me, they start toying with my feelings. Yes, you're going home.. and no, we can't release you yet. I had to be off morphine for 6 hours or so, and i kept telling them that I hadn't had a morphine hit in 2 days.  Finally someone checked and saw i was right. They did tell me to take one more hit, gave me 2 pain pills, and then yanked the tubes out my chest.  It felt funny, but painful it wasn't.  and then I got to go home.

so, I return to work in August sometime and I'm so so happy to be back. Alive. 

In May, Chris and I had taken a vacation to camp.  Just the two of us.  It was like heaven.

In September my father passed away. Although it was nice to see family members that I hadn't seen since i was knee high to a grasshopper, I would have rather had the reunion with my dad present.

Diablo is still going strong, love my little doggie.  Amber seems to enjoy college a great deal, and Joey is still trying to come to terms with his robery, assult, and car jacking.  He's not looking for work yet and it's been months now.  Frustrating to be hit up for cash all the time, but I hope one day he pays it forward.

December was great, Christmas was lovely, husband had to work, so we stayed home and had our own little dinner of Grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. we didn't care, it was good. And joey and amber spent the night... my day was made.

more later.

2 weeks into the new chemo update

Technically, this would be the beginning of week three :)  I'm happy so far. the only side effect i've noticed is aversion to certain foods. Chicken, pork, beef, I can eat them but slowly or i am nauseous quickly.  I also forget to eat and that happened with both chemos. I'm not hungry so i don't eat. Which would make one think you'd lose some weight.. right? not. I have been pushing protein lately. I make a shake in the morning which is: 1 scoop protein powder, some fruit, 1/2 cup whole milk, 1/4 cup oatmeal, 1 tbsp peanutbutter and blend. That usually takes me until lunch. 

I have also shown signs of retaining water, even though I take a prescription water pill.  So, i'll be talking to my primary care doc about looking into a higher dosage or a different one altogether.

DOC had an all hands meeting today to discuss the government shut down and read off a list of names that they considered essential employees, those who'll have to work even if the shut down happens. Guess who's name was on that list. I'm a secretary... i don't really think my job is essential, especially since I'll be at work, not getting paid, and everyone else in the fed govt will be at home not getting paid. And if congress somehow later decides to pay folks for how many days they had off.. great. but i'd like to be one of those relaxing at home. I'm glad that i'm important enough to not furlough though. Still would have enjoyed those few days off work. LOL especially since I have zero leave.

CFC has started and i signed up for a couple events to raise money. I'm making a vegetarian chili for the chili cookoff, I'm bringing in a dessert for the luncheon and tomorrow is Red, white and blue day.. and i'm gonna be decked out, even the hair. hopefully, someone will take a photo and i can add it. :)  

well, my nighttime meds are hitting and i still need to read some of my chapter for sunday's quiz and read newt gingrich's article on profiling and give my input. 

fun.

nighty night.

this little brown pill.

is making me retain some serious water.  I have gained weight and my doctor says to eat less. I swear i want to clock the bastid for saying that, because if he knew what I ATE every day, he'd know I don't consume enough calories to GAIN.   jerkwad.  anyway, i feel like a bloated up slug after someone has pour salt on me. and I itch. my legs itch terribly.


still, a small price to pay for life. so i'll take it.  I have another doctors appointment on Wednesday, so we'll see if the blood results from last week are lower than they were the week before.  if not, then we're back to square one.

Well, today is the first day in about 2 weeks that I've been able to take a deep breath without feeling like my heart was going to explode.  I thought for sure it was a side effect of the new chemo, but I guess the doctor really does know best in this instance because as I've been taking the zantac stuff, it's getting better. YAY.

Gonna post some photos of the funeral in Missouri.  Just for memories sake.

Such a horrible week. Sunday, I talked to my dad while he was in ICU.  Then I had to make the decision to take him off life support. He died five minutes after they unhooked him. yesterday.  I feel ashamed, sad, hurt, lost, empty.  Ashamed because I didn't visit him more. an airplane ride and I know he would have picked me up at the airport. Sad.. I was the last one he talked to. lost.. so many years we passed and we didn't talk. and empty, i loved my dad.

We're not sure when the funeral is, an autopsy is being done because the doctors and specialists just don't know what killed him. it had something to do with his liver, but everything they knew to do, failed. So, they want to see what was going on, so maybe if they see a case like this again, they might know how to heal that person.  It should be about a week.  He was retired military, so he'll get a nice funeral. Chris and I are driving to Illinois because that is where the family plot is.. and darnit.. I wanted one of the 9 puppies that were in  his house. I'm the only one not getting one, a small part of something he loved.  And since my half brother just robbed the house, there isn't much left to cling on to.

Dad.. i will love you always, and someday, i'll see you again.  Your shelli. always.

and if I don't get my chemo soon, I'll be joining him sooner than anyone wants. damnit.  it was supposed to be here Wednesday. 

Really frustrated with AETNA and happy about my kids....

so this is a happy AND mad post!  

First the happy.  Joey is enrolled in a college class WHOOOT WHOOOT, and since he has the same teacher that I had, I can give him my book and save John 89 bucks. Makes sense.

Saturday, Lucas and I helped Amber move into her dorm at the University of Maryland Baltimore Honors college. It's a neat little set up, you walk in the front door and there is a little living room with sofa and coffee table and one chair. To the left is a bedroom for two, and to the right is another bedroom for two people, in the middle of the room is the shower/toilet. Funny, there is no sink to wash your hands in the bathroom. You have to go to your bedroom to wash your hands. I found that a bit strange. Anyway, She's settled, and the room looked pretty decent sized for two girls.  I miss her more than I .. hell, i knew I was going to miss her this much. but it's nice that she's not too far up the road.  Joey and I start school after labor day.  And I am planning to take a water aerobics class in addition to my class class.  Gotta talk to Chris about that one.

the bad.  AETNA denied me chemotherapy to treat my cancer. the bastards.  And they denied the appeal. bastards again.  Dr. Fox said we had a year before we had to worry, but that time frame is quickly counting down and I need chemo, in his words, STAT.  So, he contacted the manufacture of the medicine and they called me on Friday.  We did a pre-screening and it seems I qualify for their free treatment plan, which is good because chemo costs about 9 thousand a month. I should be getting another phone call within a few days to set up delivery for the first month, then when I fill out the financial information (when I get the packet), they set it up so I get auto monthly deliveries, FREE of charge.  I can't believe that I pay a lot of money for a primo family plan insurance, and they deny me medicine that will put me in remission.

I still love my job. No lie. I love the people I work with, I love the building and the history, I love the work I do, I don't even mind waking up at 4:45am to catch the bus.  I just love it.

enough for the moment, I gotta chug down some lunch, then head to the gym downstairs for the last week of the challenge.

ta for now!

Wow, I must really love the job!

I get dressed and kiss the husband g'bye and go downstairs.  Look at the clock and freaking go into hyper speed mode.  Grab the lunch, shove it into the suit case thing, get purse and head out the door. Get into car and rearrange the suitcase thing so I can bring in the new 5 cup coffee maker, coffee, and creamer into the office. doesn't fit, so dig in trunk for another bag. The whole time I'm freaking out because I'm late for the bus and know will have to take the last one in and I'll be late for work.

I fly down the road, come to a sudden stop for some slow assed geese getting in my way, wait for the last grandpa looking fella to move and haul more ass.  Pull into the parking lot and then I hear, "Good Morning!  It is now 6:00 am and time for our FRIIIIIIIIDAY SONG". 

WHAT THE FLYING HELL????????

I don't have to catch the bus until 6:50am.  I was nearly an hour early!!!!  I coulda been SLEEPING, or enjoying a cup of coffee, or paying with my dog, or someting other than sitting in my car feeling like the worlds biggest dunce.

Now I'm tired and ready for bed.  That's what happens when the 4th of July happens in the middle of the week. GAH so sleepy. 

You know, Pop Tarts has invented a PEANUT BUTTER pop tart.  OMG I'm in heaven!!  nummy num!

Last nights fire works were ... meh.  Usually Charles County fairgrounds has a decent show, but last night, it was short and not that glorious.  Maybe it's because I had a frightened Chihuahua shoved up my shirt, but still... he only really freaked out when they did the finale. and even that was freaking short. The band sucked, the vendors sucked.... i think next year, we'll go to the Blue Crabs Stadium and hang out on the road or something.

Have some material from Nana and I can't WAIT to finally pick out a project to work on.  I've been working on Amber's quilt, but still don't know how to do the backing. And I've done a few bears, and now that I found the patterns for curtains, I'm making some for the livingroom.  Exciting!