2 weeks into the new chemo update

Technically, this would be the beginning of week three :)  I'm happy so far. the only side effect i've noticed is aversion to certain foods. Chicken, pork, beef, I can eat them but slowly or i am nauseous quickly.  I also forget to eat and that happened with both chemos. I'm not hungry so i don't eat. Which would make one think you'd lose some weight.. right? not. I have been pushing protein lately. I make a shake in the morning which is: 1 scoop protein powder, some fruit, 1/2 cup whole milk, 1/4 cup oatmeal, 1 tbsp peanutbutter and blend. That usually takes me until lunch. 

I have also shown signs of retaining water, even though I take a prescription water pill.  So, i'll be talking to my primary care doc about looking into a higher dosage or a different one altogether.

DOC had an all hands meeting today to discuss the government shut down and read off a list of names that they considered essential employees, those who'll have to work even if the shut down happens. Guess who's name was on that list. I'm a secretary... i don't really think my job is essential, especially since I'll be at work, not getting paid, and everyone else in the fed govt will be at home not getting paid. And if congress somehow later decides to pay folks for how many days they had off.. great. but i'd like to be one of those relaxing at home. I'm glad that i'm important enough to not furlough though. Still would have enjoyed those few days off work. LOL especially since I have zero leave.

CFC has started and i signed up for a couple events to raise money. I'm making a vegetarian chili for the chili cookoff, I'm bringing in a dessert for the luncheon and tomorrow is Red, white and blue day.. and i'm gonna be decked out, even the hair. hopefully, someone will take a photo and i can add it. :)  

well, my nighttime meds are hitting and i still need to read some of my chapter for sunday's quiz and read newt gingrich's article on profiling and give my input. 

fun.

nighty night.

this little brown pill.

is making me retain some serious water.  I have gained weight and my doctor says to eat less. I swear i want to clock the bastid for saying that, because if he knew what I ATE every day, he'd know I don't consume enough calories to GAIN.   jerkwad.  anyway, i feel like a bloated up slug after someone has pour salt on me. and I itch. my legs itch terribly.


still, a small price to pay for life. so i'll take it.  I have another doctors appointment on Wednesday, so we'll see if the blood results from last week are lower than they were the week before.  if not, then we're back to square one.

Well, today is the first day in about 2 weeks that I've been able to take a deep breath without feeling like my heart was going to explode.  I thought for sure it was a side effect of the new chemo, but I guess the doctor really does know best in this instance because as I've been taking the zantac stuff, it's getting better. YAY.

Gonna post some photos of the funeral in Missouri.  Just for memories sake.

Such a horrible week. Sunday, I talked to my dad while he was in ICU.  Then I had to make the decision to take him off life support. He died five minutes after they unhooked him. yesterday.  I feel ashamed, sad, hurt, lost, empty.  Ashamed because I didn't visit him more. an airplane ride and I know he would have picked me up at the airport. Sad.. I was the last one he talked to. lost.. so many years we passed and we didn't talk. and empty, i loved my dad.

We're not sure when the funeral is, an autopsy is being done because the doctors and specialists just don't know what killed him. it had something to do with his liver, but everything they knew to do, failed. So, they want to see what was going on, so maybe if they see a case like this again, they might know how to heal that person.  It should be about a week.  He was retired military, so he'll get a nice funeral. Chris and I are driving to Illinois because that is where the family plot is.. and darnit.. I wanted one of the 9 puppies that were in  his house. I'm the only one not getting one, a small part of something he loved.  And since my half brother just robbed the house, there isn't much left to cling on to.

Dad.. i will love you always, and someday, i'll see you again.  Your shelli. always.

and if I don't get my chemo soon, I'll be joining him sooner than anyone wants. damnit.  it was supposed to be here Wednesday.