I must say, I never thought my marriage would be as fantastic as it is today. I have married my best friend. This man has seen me at my absolute worst and has stayed by my side through it all, and when I did the worst possible thing in a marriage, he still stayed by my side. God put him in my life and i will spend the rest of mine treating him like the gift he was meant to be.
This morning I woke up a bit earlier than I wanted too, but i turned to my side facing my husband and just memorized his beautiful face. So peaceful, he even looked happy in his sleep. I can't believe my good fortune. Then when he wakes up, his blue eyes on me, i feel a rush of teenage like giddiness and this always happens, nearly 3 years together and I still feel like a giddy teenager when he looks at me.
He's started going to the gym with me again and that helps keep me motivated. He's even raised the bar from my normal 30 minutes max to 45. And (minor gripe here) he's lost weight.. and I HAVEN'T. I'm excited for him but a bit jealous that mine wants to cling to me as long as possible. So not fair. LOL but i enjoy having him next to me working out... like a couples thing. both of us getting healthy so we live longer. Something happens to him, and they may as well dig another grave because I couldn't live without him. The pain would be too much. Hell, i had a dream not too long ago that he suddenly was gone and I woke up cold, my heart was beating a million miles an hour and I had a panic attack. He was in the bathtub.. but still... the thought of him leaving, or dying.. is the most frightening thing I never want to deal with.
I'm so looking forward to our anniversary this week. We get it alone.. WHEEEE.. no kids, no dog to walk, no kiddo to take to work.. just him and me, in a room, doing what ever we want to do. AWESOME!! i picked up this cute little red nighty that I'm dying to try on and some blueberry stuff that gets hot as you lick it off. mmm... blueberrys :) I also ordered him something of Amazon that is not the typical anniversary gift, but we needed one and I think we'll get a lot of use out of it. it's a kitchen thing.
the boys have been fantastic today. Caleb only told Zac to shut up one time!! and although Zac has been steadily coughing, he seems to be trying to cover up as he does. I really don't want to get sick this week. God, please not this week.
You know, somthing that has been bothering me a lot lately is that his family talked about going to the beach this summer, and they used the word 'family vacation'. .but they failed to include any of us. Chris is their family, the boys are their grandsons, I'm their daughter in law... and we were excluded. It hurt MY feelings so I know it really hurt his. I mean, we may not have been able to go because of the costs associated with a beach house, bu.t to not even extend the invitation was a low blow I didn't expect mom and dad to do. I mean, I wish we saw more of each other, but at times, it feels like the only reason we're invited over is because it's the proper thing to do. And I can't help but think some of it is because of Zac. But what they dont' understand is he's a great boy, and he listens when you remind him about sitting properly, and putting his games away for dinnertime and sure, he runs around a lot and doesn't watch where he is going, but so does the baby... people just need to pay more attention to what he's doing. He's a great boy. I don't understand them. When I've had too much, I go to my room to decompress. anyway, it hurt me to know that Chris may have had his feelings hurt by being excluded from the event. and the more I reflect on it, the more mad I get. I have to let it go.
He surprised me the other day and said that we might get to go camping for the week of my birthday. I know that I said I wanted a birthday party this year, but I'll forgo a party to spend a week with my husband, just us, enjoying the sounds of outside, and doing the things we did before we got married. God, i love him!!!
Well, I'll write more tomorrow, the meds are starting to hit me and my writing is getting bad. Plus, I have church tomorrow and we're on part 5 of a 10 part series, dont' want ot miss it.. it's a good one.
oh blow me and my bad writing technique.. i'm tired. fucker.
As I lay in bed beside you
our bodies holding each so tight
absolutly certain of one thing
i'll never give up on this fight.
We've been thorugh so much,
some good, some bad
but God has bless me with a Great man
who's heart is full forgiveness not vengeance.
I don't know if I deserve him God,
but I'll do the best I can to cherish the gift
there is but one thing I truly desire
60 years with the man of my dreams, if you see fit.
sorry my poem sucks... i'm tired and took my deds.
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