You know it's gonna be a bad day when...

You spend all night coughing
your nose is running off your face
it's raining out
when you realize why your underwear is uncomfortable and riding up your hiney.   

So long holiday

I'm so hurt. In the three years I've worked with NOAA, I've never ever had a bad review. Ever. I've always received a bonus (which I use for Christmas), an increase in pay and a 5 year riff protection. I received the 5 year protection thing but nothing else. Why?!  If I'm such a "Joy" to work with, and "one of the most reliable people on board" and "absolutely brilliant" why did I not receive the same as everyone else?  I come in early, I leave late. I work through lunch and don't take any breaks. My ass is firmly planted in this stupid chair answering the farking phone. I don't receive overtime pay for anything past my 9 hours. and I often work 11 a day. 

I know I should be grateful that I have employment. That I wake up every morning with a roof over my head, I have someone who loves me, great kids. But right now, at this very moment, I hate everything. I hate life. I hate being poor. I hate that for the first time in my divorced life, I can't buy a damn thing for Christmas. And what I hate the most right now? I can't stop crying. 

Did they base this on my health problems? the surgery I had to have? Although it was written in the review that I took my computer home to work while recovering.

Yeah. So I really don't want to hear from anyone on how lucky I am right now. I don't feel it. It isn't all about the bonus. My feelings are hurt because I work my butt off and it wasn't noticed.  Next year? I'm not volunteering to cover other divisions. I'm not answering phones when other secretaries are out. I'm not taking my computer home and working on the weekend because someone has had an emergency travel and needed a ticket STAT. Nope. I'm not stepping outside my box anymore because obviously it goes unnoticed and isn't worthy.

And a few minutes ago I got to listen to two other people talk about their $2,000 bonus. WTF?

Sorry kids, momma is going to let you down this year. and I hate that most of all. Guess I really WILL be looking for another job.

I have finally lost 100 pounds

Life is good today. At least on the weight loss side.  It has taken me over a year but I did it. I am at 230. Yes, I realize that's still a McFatty, but I was a SUPERSIZED McFatty last year at 330. At one point, I was at 360. So, I feel super stoked to be where I am now. 

I have my children living with me too. That has been the highlight of my 2010. Years ago, my ex thought it best to divorce me. I went along with it because our fights were horrific and i didn't want our children to suffer. I never thought in a million years that he would keep my kids and I never ever thought he'd treat me with such disrespect as he is today. I was half a soul without my children. Even seeing them every weekend didn't fill the void. I needed them. And now I have them and he is a bitter jackenheimer. Won't speak to me, wont' return my calls. 

oh the list goes on and on. will continue shortly. work summons

130 gone

Sad few months

Man. When they say bad things happen in threes, I guess they meant it.  First Nathan Fiske, then MJ's (coworker) brother died suddenly, then Friday, my bosses brother in law passed away, and today my walking buddy died. Celso, you will be missed. Everyone is crying and when I see people cry, MY eyes start leaking. 

RIP Dr. Celso Barrientos.