It wasn't that long ago I would have said something like, "love is a lie started by people who worked at Hallmark to sell stupid sappy cards". However, I can attest that love does exist.
It exists in the baby you have born, and comes naturally without question or hesitancy. It's just there. When the first time they look you in your eyes and you see yourself, the trust they have for you, the first laugh that melts your legs, their booboo's that break your heart. The knowledge that deep in your soul, you would kill anyone who physically hurt them and spend your life in prison... gladly, to protect them. I would die for them. Period.
Later, love comes when you look in the mirror and discover that you are a fine looking woman and who gives a flying monkeys ass what they said about you in your childhood and teenage years. You love yourself. Once that happens, real love comes along. You still love your children, but they love you back. You love your furbabies, and they no DOUBT love you in return.
The sweetest love comes when your spouse loves you. I am that lucky. I can look in his blue eyes and see that he loves me. I see it when he makes the bed. I smell it when the coffee pot is brewing at 5am. I hear it when he asks if I've taken my 6am chemotherapy pill. I also hear it when he knows I'm tired and he stays awake, after working at night, or spending a night awake because that's his schedule, and he calls me and talks to me until I arrive to work safely. Why? Because sometimes the medicines make me so sleepy, it's hard to stay awake and drive. So he talks to me and keeps me alert. Love is looking at my many rolls and telling me I'm beautiful...and I believe it cuz it shows on his face.
Love is carrying down a load of clothes because I have overstuffed it and can't drag it down. Love is making my favorite dinners, love is not complaining about my fan blowing in his face.. even when it's 20 degrees outside. Love is laughing at my pathetic attempts at a fart bomb that comes out sounding like a wookie.. and paying me back in triple with REAL farts that are truly made by a man. and you can laugh about them. Because.. dammit.. farts are funny!
Love is holding me when I am a crying blubbering mess and telling me we'll get through this together. Love is not forcing me to send the lab a poop sample. disgusting!! that shit is for old people. not me. :) and sorry.. i'm not sticking a sample of crap in the mail. not happening.
Love is acceptance, kindness, understanding, forgiveness.. and sometimes over and over for the same damn thing (sorry... i farted on you while you were sleeping and pulled the sheet over your head. I don't think you remember. you rolled over though )
I love my friends to the point that I will drop what I'm doing and run to help them out. that is my nature. That, to me is love.
Enough of the topic.. onward to the medication.
I have finished 7 days of the Tasigna and have noticed side effects that didn't occur with Sprycel. Every joint aches. Every old bone I hurt.. hurts again. The shit tastes like, well, SHIT. I had one stuck in my throat this morning and while I was in a panic to find some more water to swallow, it started to dissolve and I could taste it. kinda sulfurish. just YUCK!!!! I have also noted that I can't walk up stairs with my usual pep. I have to stop midway and breath before continuing. I will not take the elevator to the second floor though. screw that. it's lazy people who do that. not me. I can tear up some chicken, and while on Sprycel, chicken was the enemy. When it's time to eat... I'm frigging hungry. I do have a bit of nausea, but it's not as bad. (yet). I've only slipped one time with the mandatory, no eating 2 hours before (take pill) and no eating one hour after. I slipped up and ate a gummy worm. we're hoping the sugar dissolved before taking the medication. I also get dizzy when I've been on my knees. no pervs.. i get on my knees sometimes when sorting fabric colors or petting the dog. Getting up, I've seen so many stars I feel like passing out. However, the time I actually DID pass out, i don't remember seeing any stars. so not sure what that means.
anyway.. that is about it for today. I've a final tomorrow and damned if i didn't leave my freaking book at work. So, i'll be studying tomorrow.. at work.. and hope for a good grade in the class. I hate sociology. my next class is going to be in homeland security. I need that one before I can tackle any of the other classes.
ta for now! peace and chicken grease!
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